Chronicle of an abused child

 Chronicle of an abused child

"Chess saved me because I was surrounded by people who were intellectually bankrupt – and who almost killed me for that reason – without them ever realizing it."

"I received no support during my childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. I had to teach myself everything. Exposing child abuse is my true mission – so that no child ever has to learn to survive alone again." - Peter Krug

Peter Siegfried Krug is born 23.11.1966 in the Salzburg State Hospital ( LKA), Müllner Hauptstraße 48, at 2 o'clock 45.  Peter Krug's life was very hard from birth. He had no family to care for him. He never got to know his grandparents, or his own father, or his own relatives. That is why he was often without help in life situations. His mother's name was Herta Brigitte Krug (Baptismal name - later she was married: Herta Bertel). She was an unskilled worker at the time. After she moved to Salzburg, she worked later for decades in the health department as contract agents until she retired. At first she lived at Müllnerhauptstraße 18 on the third floor. A few months later she moved into a municipal apartment on the second floor at Goethestraße 12 in Itzling. This biological mother made the following statement: She met the biological father often in Kitzbühel.  According to his mother his name was Dr. Peter Strobl and he worked as a doctor by profession. He was blond and tall. She was friends with the biological father in the approximate period 1962 - 1966. They went dancing in Kitzbühel. He already had a family. This doctor advised Peter Krug to have an abortion. His mother found it very out of character and disappointing. She did not demand alimony from the biological father. Peter's birth was very painful for his mother.

Instead of aborting Peter, the 22 year old birth mother put this illegitimate baby 1966 in an infant home. So Peter spent the first 2 years of his life in an infant home near the Salzburg hospital. Almost nothing is known of Peter's grandparents. His biological mother Herta Krug (married Herta Bertel) was born 21.12.1943 in Lessau in Lungau. According to the biological mother, the maternal grandmother was deaf - dumb for life. The grandmother was considered stupid in Lessach because of her deaf-muteness. His mother (married Herta Bertel) died on 12 April 2024 at the age of 80.

Kirchenstraße 33, Itzling  (1968 - 1972)

After that he came in 1968 to a children's home (Kirchenstraße 33), which boys and girls took up to 6 years old. The home was back then closed and Peter Krug felt like he was in a prison. The environment in which Peter Krug spent day after day was always the same: either in the garden under the trees, or in a common room.The daily routine was strictly regulated. When was breakfast, when was dinner, and when was bed rest. There were no opportunities to retreat. The children had nowhere to hide. Every day there was malt coffee that Peter Krug didn't like at all -because it was always the same taste. He had no friends and no caregiver in the children's home. Sometimes he was picked up by the birth mother over the weekend. These were the few days when Peter Krug was allowed to experience freedom in the first 6 years. Peter was absolutely unhappy.  Although he was not physically abused in the home, he was locked up in the basement. A young woman dragged little Peter down the stone stairs into the cellar and locked him up. At that time the door was still a wooden door with a simple lock. He was locked helplessly in the dark, but could see through a crack through the door. He could see the young woman smoking and watching. Later she disappeared. Peter was in a panic then. Days later, Peter couldn't walk without his knees trembling. He had the worst nightmares afterwards. Perfidious upbringing methods for the purpose of intimidation and fear were an integral part of this home. For example, 10-15 children were brought into the lounge at night. All children had to sit on the floor on the instructions of the minder. Then the woman opened the door that leads out to the garden. Before she left the room she said to the children: "Now the devil will get you!" Then she turned off the light and left us alone in the dark with the door open to the outside. - Once a year, on "Christmas Eve" and days after, the home children were picked up by their parents. Peter Krug still remembers exactly how he waited anxiously on that day to be picked up by their biological mother. But he was one of the few children who were not picked up even during the Christmas season. He was so saddened by this and cried continuously. His biological mother Hertha Krug (she was still unmarried at that time)  lived at that time in a 34 square meter garcionaire at 12 Goethestraße, only about 80 meters away from the children's home. Peter Krug was so sad that he was not picked up by his mother at Christmas time. He and few other children were left behind in the children's home even on those days. It was a very sad time for the children. When Peter Krug saw that a door was open, he took the opportunity and escaped from the children's home. Crying, he walked up Sportplatzstraße and turned right into Goethestraße. After crossing Bognerstraße he was in one of the blocks of houses on the right where his mother lived. When he arrived and knocked on her door, his mother opened the door just a crack and told him to go back to the home immediately. It was one of the worst moments of his life for Peter Krug, because he could not understand that his own mother did not take him into her home even at Christmas. Peter Krug could not help but go back to the home. However, Peter Krug was allowed later to visit his biological mother alone on weekends when he was almost 6 years old.

Guggenthal 62  (1973 - 1978) nowadays Georg Weicklweg 21 - not far away from the school for children

The time of severe memory problems at school

When Peter Krug reached the age of 6, he was too old for the children's home in Itzling and was taken to a Projuventute children's village in Guggenthal 62 (nowadays it was renamed Georg Weickl Weg 21) at the foot of the Nockstein (alpine-looking rock spikes 1042 m). It was 1972 that Peter Krug was put in a completely different environment in Koppl. He didn't own anything at that time. His biological father, of whom he did not even have a photo or knew his name, did not pay the alimony. Throughout childhood and adolescence, the mother never spoke a word about the biological father. Fortunately, the forest was immediately outside the house. Peter was allowed to play outside, hide and discover nature. There was a fixed limit to how far the orphans were allowed to go into the forest. On trees like beeches, Peter learned how to climb trees barefoot and tests of courage like jumping over almost meter high rocks. Very often the orphans also stayed on the stream and tried to catch trout. On other days they collected dead wood and made a simple forest hut out of it. Peter also learned how to make perfect paper airplanes, and the orphans had little contests in particularly windy autumn weather to see whose paper airplane would fly especially far. The orphans were out a lot in the summer without shoes and with leather pants. This forest became an escape for the orphans from the perceived joyless school and the tantrums of "mom" (educator mother Magarethe Leitner ) who watched over the children. On rainy days, the orphans sat in front of the TV in the evening before going to bed and watched "Maya Bee", "Kung fu" (TV series with David Carradine), or the US - American science fiction series Star Trek, "Raumschiff Enterprise" with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. Before the orphans went to sleep at 7 o'clock in the evening, or at the latest at 8 o'clock, they had to form a circle on the first floor, where the bedrooms were, all facing the center of the circle. With their hands folded, the children had to recite the "Our Father in Heaven"and then the apostolic creed  every evenig. Peter felt really sick every time and developed irrational fears. But he was not allowed to escape this daily religious torture. He had a great aversion to this ritual and the horrible, Catholic beliefs made it difficult for Peter to fall asleep. - There was also a dog named Ajax, a Collie in the  Projuventute children's house. This dog did not want any physical contact with the children and would only vocalize when he was hungry or when people came to visit. Every Sunday the children had to attend Sunday service, which began at 8:30 in the morning. For this, all the orphans had to put on ceremonial clothes that they had in their closet during the week and walk about 300 meters to the Filial Church “Heilige Kreuz-Kirche” in deliberate slow steps. The orphans dressed up in stooped pants, shirts and cloth ties, passed by the elementary school  of the Georg Weickl Way and passed the old abandoned brewery ("Am Professorfeld") and the empty Valentin Ceconi villa until they reached the neo gothic church, whose buildings were all commissioned by Georg Weickl at that time. - At this time the priest Hans (Johann) Paarhammer (1947 - 2020) gave this sermon. Paarhammer was a prelate and honorary citizen of the municipality of Koppl. He later became a full university professor in Salzburg. The orphans had to take a special place in the front row of the church. It was scrupulously watched that the children absolutely got the host shoved into their mouths. For Peter, to whom all Catholic liturgy seemed incomprehensible and strange, even threatening, these religious ceremonies were torture. It irritated Peter every time when the priest talks about the devil and hell in church. Peter also did not understand why only the priest was allowed to speak in church and the visitors were only allowed to say "Amen" or "Praise be to the Lord." Peter did not understand why he suddenly had to stand up during mass, why he then had to sit down again, and why he had to kneel down. Therefore he never paid attention for a minute in church to what the priest was saying, but thought about what he was going to do in the forest after church. He had a deep aversion to all Christian customs and that Jesus should be the Savior from all sins only confused Peter. As soon as the mass was over, he was happy to step out of the church again and was allowed to talk and pursue his urge to move. After church, the children went with quick steps the way back home, where the dog Ajax greeted each time from far the children with loud barking. The orphans were already looking forward to Sunday dinner.  Every Sunday they had baked chicken from the oven with rice and ketchup which the "mom" already prepared on a large table in the living room. The leftover bones got the dog Ajax. Because he received no intellectual stimuli and was not encouraged to read, he was far behind in terms of general knowledge and German language skills compared to other children of his age. For example his grammar was lousy. Here, only 100 meters from home he completed elementary school with Adi Hillimaier and Daniel Spitzl.

Structure at that time 1973 to 1977 in the Voksschule Guggenthal

All four classes of the school were taught by only two teachers.

While the first two classes at the same time were led by Anna Karl,  Hugo Müller was in charge of the third and fourth classes.

Each teacher had to teach two grades at the same time.

There were 6 units of hours each day. At 7:40 in the morning the lessons began.

After about 1 p.m. the lessons were over.

Superintendent of Schools Hugo Müller (1914 - 2008) was the director at that time. In this school,  he learned basic math and reading. Because he got the worst grades in mathematics in the field of elementary set theory, it spoiled Peter the joy in school. For him, the school grades were a psychological torture that brought him sleepless nights and permanent fears of existence. After all, the elementary school teacher Anna Karl had an idea why he had such bad grades. She discovered very late that he was partially color blind (red - green weakness) and therefore could not classify the colored geometric triangles. However, the unsuccessful mathematics was a trauma that was never dealt with, never discussed, and which accompanied Peter through the further years of school. Even in those early school days, Peter no longer enjoyed school and felt that school was a place of punishment and embarrassment. Bad grades were followed by a ban on playing, grounding and domestic physical beatings. Peter was punished in the home. He spent therefore a lot of time writing fine, instead of spending time in the forest in fair weather. This stupid occupation made no sense to Peter. At that time the children were punished also with cone arithmetic (e.g. 796 x (times)  2= , the sum x 3= , the sum x 4= …until the sum x 9= and then the sum : (divided by ) 2 …until the sum :9 should result in the same number at the end. In cone arithmetic, continuous multiplication and subsequent division produces a structure that actually resembles a pine cone in shape), or with writing the same sentence 100 times. These punishments were repeated many times and apparently served Ms. Leitner to control the children in their absence. In this rural region, Peter suffered severe physical abuse from this unpredictable woman in the advanced age (42 years) who had sudden outbursts of anger even hit defenseless children with chairs, brooms, belt and the unpredictable force of the hand. This woman named Mrs. Magarethe Leitner (1930 - 13.08.2018) was generally referred to as "mom" by the orphaned children. She was feared by the children because she had unpredictable temper tantrums.  From the experience of powerlessness he made and the experience of not being noticed by anyone, Peter Krug reacted with silence and grief. He had to endure grief, lack of understanding and physical violence without exchanging these experiences with other caregivers and verbally processing them. The transition from the elementary school, which was less than 100 meters away, and the secondary school Hof was hard for Peter to bear. From now on he had to go to school with the bus full of children and every time Peter felt sick during the ride and almost threw up. In the secondary school itself he could not find any friends. He felt alone among the strange children and teachers. The additional bad experience of alienation became an insurmountable obstacle for Peter Krug. Peter could no longer fall asleep, or sleep through the night. In order to deal with the overwhelming fear of being beaten, Peter and the child of the same age named Adi Hillimaier (born 1966 in Salzburg) went outside school hours into the forest with the aim of being able to cope better with the physical pain. They looked for sticks and larger branches and hit each other on the back of the body and tried to endure the pain. Unfortunataly the physical resilience training that was practiced was unsuccessful. Peter was forcibly dragged into the cellar by his furious and impulsive "Foster mother". He fought back with all his might and screamed and was able to prevent him from being locked up in the basement again. She gave up just before the cellar door.  At school in Hof he couldn't pay attention. In German class, the foreign teachers read a story that touched Peter so emotionally that he started crying in the middle of the reading. It was the famous fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen: "The little girl with the sulfur woods".

The story hit Peter so hard because he thought he recognized similarities with his own life. The teacher had only read half of the story when Peter sank into the school chair, crying and oblivious to the rest of the story. Then the students had to retell the story in writing from memory.

This overstrained Peter emotionally. After the first sentences were written, Peter remained motionless and could not continue writing. Overwhelmed by his feelings, he could not put anything down on paper for the rest of the time until the exercise books were collected.

Instead of asking Peter why he did not write the story, the German teacher gave Peter the worst grade. Peter hid this at home and was terrified of further school exams. It was a chain reaction. It was impossible for Peter to remember what he had learned. He experienced a state of unstoppable uncertainty, the likes of which he had never known before. He could not pay attention at school at all and was "punished" for this with more bad grades.

  Due to poor grades in the school, Peter Krug completely lost the ground under his feet. He got fits of suffocation. These attacks of suffocation repeated themselves in the evening and got worse and worse. At night, when everyone was asleep and he was lying in the dark in his bed, he was at the mercy of his fear. That drained Peter of the security. At first, he could not fall asleep at night because of tinnitus, hyperventilation, and tingling on the skin of his face. At school it had such an effect that he could only be present, but could no longer pay attention, learn or write. The great insecurity he had never experienced before paralyzed Peter to the point that he had considerable memory problems in school. The teacher didn't ask what's going on. Peter Krug got the worst grades in school. Peter found his impotence beyond words. Then came one of the worst nights of his life. He had another attack of suffocation at night that was so bad that Peter thought he was going to die soon. In fear of death he got up from bed and went to Adi Hillimaier´s bed and wanted to scream for help. But he couldn't scream. He couldn't get a sound out. He felt his helplessness and fell unconscious on Adi's bed. With the rescue, he was taken to the hospital at night. But there was not asked what the cause was, but Peter was wrongly diagnosed by Dr. Christian Gross with epilepsy. In the hospital he was given the pills that Peter secretly threw away. The attacks of suffocation stopped, thank God. Peter no longer needed to be afraid of being hit in the hospital. The suffocation attacks never repeated themselves later in Peter Krug's life. The caregivers could not understand the reason and so Peter Krug was brought to another Children's home. Peter Krug felt torn out and could not adapt to the new environment. His nocturnal shortness of breath (hyperventilation) shortly before falling asleep, caused by panic, was not known after the Salzburg regional hospital.

Children's home in Parsch  (1978)

Since he was not beaten by the educators in the new children's home in Parsch, Aignerstraße 7a (across from Borromäum), he also did not have respiratory distress. Peter, 12 years old at that time knew that and so he always secretly threw away the useless tablets that were against the epilepsy. In this environment in Parsch Peter was teased and excluded by the other children. Peter had great difficulty adapting and was therefore very unhappy. After a few months he was dismissed from this home because instead of going to school in the Schloßstraße, he had stolen 2 orange juice concentrates and sweets from a grocery store. Around this time his biological mother married Dr.Michael Bertel and was then called Herta Brigitte Bertel (born 21.12.1943 - died 12.04.2024). For his mother, Peter was nothing more than a school failure and a problem child.

Nursing home, Zanderstraße 5, Liefering  (1978 - 1980)

Therefore he was then taken to a nursing home in the Zanderstraße 5, Liefering, where he learned the rules of chess from a psychologist (1978). Unlike Guggenthal, Liefering had no forest and no mountain. Not far away are the famous Salzachseen.  His classmates at the compulsory school in Liefering were children from abroad. Many children from low social class, who spoke poor German. The requirements of this school were so low that Peter did even no homework and did not study for exams. Gerold and Annamaria Ladinig (so -called foster father and foster mother)  didn't care about that at all either. Therefore Peter learned almost nothing in this school. It happened twice that he was stopped by children on the way home from school. During the way home through a meadow children came towards him. One of them hit Peter in the stomach.  - His daily routine looked something like this:  before Peter got up, he drank cocoa, which he got from the refrigerator. Gerold Ladining and Annamaria Ladinig (Lazar) were still asleep at this time. Since there was often no bread, he went to school hungry and without a snack. The hunger was so agonizing that Peter once took advantage of a favorable opportunity to steal and stole sweets at school. He ate the sweet wafers in the toilet.  After school he had to go home immediately and got bread with a liver spread from a tin can. Sometimes there was soup with noodles as an appetizer. Every day he got the same thing for dinner. At home, he sat alone in the a tiny kitchen until late at night. He had no playmates, schoolmates or friends. He had no one to talk to. In the kitchen he occupied himself with puzzles. Peter's task was also to collect grasses, leaves and herbs in the surrounding area for rabbit breeding. With wooden carts he drove along the roads even during the rain and plowed in the meadows these grasses. But he was forbidden to explore the area simply out of desire. Peter's conversations with Gerold and Annamaria were limited to the most necessary. Experiences, for example, or problems at school were never discussed. Joy and sorrow were never communicated. During this time, Annamaria Ladinig was sitting in the living room watching TV. She loved the Elvis movies. Gerald Ladinig (foster father of Peter) often came home very late during the week and usually he was drunk. Gerald Ladinig worked in the construction industry and his muscle strength was impressive and feared because he often had unpredictable outbursts of violence. It was not uncommon for him to strike with full force with his fist against other people, also against Peter. The punishment of Peter was carried out according to a certain ritual. Thus he was beaten in front of Annamaria L.. Another time Peter had to strip stark naked and lie on the bed until Gerold came. Gerold Ladinig wet his hands and then beat Peter's ass with extreme brute force. Peter screamed afterwards and ran naked through the whole apartment.

Once at home Peter had secretly cut some cake from a piece of cake.

He was punished for this by being given polenta to eat for the next few days.

-  One night, Peter was already in bed, when a stranger with cigarette smell came to the bedside. This strange man with tattoos on his arm had strong muscles and ordered Peter to lie still in bed.  This  disgusting man smelled disgusting and had long hair. He took the blanket away and raped Peter. The  man repeated this sporadically for several weeks until Gerold Ladinig caught this man with the tattoo in the act. In an adjoining room, this man was brutally beaten down with fists from Gerold in front of Peter for this deed. This strange man afterthen never came to Peter's bedside again.  - One evening Gerold came back home drunk again. Peter was just sitting alone in the kitchen. Without words being dropped, and without any apparent reason, Gerold Ladinig hit with his fist directly in Peter's face. Peter's nose began to bleed and the blood ran into the soup plate. Gerold L. then became even angrier and again beat Peter with his fists until Peter was lying helplessly on the ground in a state of shock. After that, he tore Peter's shirt, and then disappeared. Afterwards, Peter lay alone in the kitchen in a state of shock until the morning. The next day after he could no longer go to school. The shock and fear of being beaten further was too deep. He was totally desperate and fled on foot without the necessary clothing and without money about 20 kilometers east to the mountains. He first walked from Liefering along the Salzach in the direction of Elsbethen, and then went up the mountain Gaisberg. At the beginning of the ascent, the evening sun was still shining horizionally, illuminating the grasses and brightening the stones in the restless ups and downs of the radiance. Then suddenly, from one moment to the next, the stones and the grasses stopped shining. The sun set and the mountain lost color and luster.  Peter began to be afraid. He knew that soon it would become completely dark. The wind was blowing low as if from a big blowpipe. In a rhythm the leaves rattled more and more violently until it became calm again and this wind became louder each time. When it was already dark Peter Krug wildly sought out the slopes without protection and away from the hiking trail. It was difficult for Peter to hold on to anything. The stones were often loose. The grass and the moss covered areas slippery.  Constantly steep he went further uphill until he suddenly reached the top of the mountain (1288 m). The unusual and the fact that Peter Krug desperately but death-defying reached the summit evening without a flashlight and without a path was decisive for looking for other options. He became aware of his power. Nobody was at the summit at that time. The wind whistled and the storm clouds changed constantly and quickly. It started to rain and it became cold and very dark. He was dressed only in a T-shirt and pants. At the summit he realized that there was still a lot in this world that he had not yet known. Life offers much more. Via the normal hiking trail he went downhill again. He longingly sought out the area in nature that was a retreat for him in the past. There he met the orphans he knew back when he lived in Guggenthal.  Peter hoped that Adi Hillimaier, or Daniel Spitzl would bring him something to eat. Peter was thinly dressed and had no jacket with him. He needed a sweater and a raincoat and hoped that Adi and Daniel would provide shelter in their primitive wooden huts. He wanted to sleep in the forest and by no means back to the former "Mama". But the children betrayed his hiding place in the forest. When "Mama" found out, she was worried about him and so he couldn't help but go to the house in Guggenthal. The "Mama" (Magarethe Leitner, former foster mother) mistakenly believed that Peter had fled to come back to Guggenthal. The truth, however, was that instead of committing suicide, Peter wanted to return to the nature area in Guggenthal where he felt comfortable at that time. The "Mama" (Magarethe Leitner) immediately called his birth mother, who at that time was already married to a new doctor (Dr. Michael Bertel) and was named Herta Bertel. His mother then immediately called the police and Peter was brought back to Zanderstraße with the police and accompanied by his biological mother. On the way there, his mother showered Peter with accusations because of the escape. Peter was only a nuisance in his mother's eyes and an obstacle to being happy.  - So late at night he was back to Liefering where he was beaten very often from the drunk, aggressive, more unpredictable, strong muscular man named Gerold Ladinig (1952 - 2003, he was a bricklayer by trade and a tiler). At the time, Peter Krug was not asked why he fled in the mountains.

Relocation to a new nursing home in Plainfeld (1981 - 1982)

Because Peter Krug fled from the former desolate family in Liefering, a psychologist looked for a new place in the rural area east of the city of Salzburg (Quellenweg 3).

Since Peter Krug never dared to talk about the brutal physical injuries, no one learned what the reason for the escape was. In Plainfeld he completed the last years of compulsory schooling in 1981 and 1982 (Hauptschule Hof). It was the fifth school.

During these two years Peter Krug was free from psychological and physical violence. He was quickly able to settle into school. His classmates were solidary and friendly. He was lucky to find a school friend just across the street from his new home. He also played chess with him and was even allowed to stay over at his place on weekends. But all chess players in the country played much worse chess than Peter.  

Hermann Hautzinger was his first friend Peter had in his life so far. However, he did not receive any  intellectual support in Plainfeld. No one in the country read books in their spare time. There were also no books available. The country people all had a conservative education and job. The curriculum vitae in the countryside was (and is) already pre-programmed: Elementary school, then secondary school, then perhaps an additional school to also get a higher post. Then working until retirement - always in the same job. In the free time, the television takes a central place as entertainment.

- After finishing compulsory school, Peter Krug knew almost no English and poor German. The level of education was very low at that time. After compulsory schooling, Monika Mittermayr (new foster mother in Plainfeld) looked for an apprenticeship for Peter. At this time Peter was going steeply downhill. Instead of attending another school he started an apprenticeship as a forwarding agent. The work there was so frustrating for him that he began to have great sleeping problems. Unrested and unfocused, he went to this apprenticeship, often late, and after a few months he was terminated because the department manager noticed that Peter was unhappy. After that, Monika looked for another apprenticeship at the Goldener Hirschen in the Getreidegasse as a waiter. His biological mother bought a waiter's jacket, black shoes and waiter's trousers for him. After waitressing, he took the bus from Miralbellgarten back to Plainfeld every day. - Because he was very shy with the guests, he often trembled when pouring the wine and promptly missed. Therefore, Peter had to practice serving without things in an adjoining room. But when it happened to him again during the serving next to the guest that he poured out a plate full of food while serving, he lost heart and did not want to work in the Hotel Goldener Hirschen anymore.  Peter skipped work until Monika Mittermayr came along. Next, Monika Mittermayr found an apprentice waiter position at Peterskeller. Here he always had to learn the daily menu by heart. He couldn't get along at all with the other apprentices. Peter found teamwork difficult. He hated the physical work and carrying heavy plates at a hectic pace for very long hours. After a few months, Peter quit this job as well, again without telling Monika.

Deposed in the Kolping House (1982 - 83)

A life without perspective, friends and external help

After further unsuccessful attempts, Peter was assigned an unskilled job. He had to make stickers for advertising purposes with a machine at the Mark Youth Center in the Neutorstraße near the Siegmundstor. The more stickers he made, the more he could earn. Peter was not satisfied with this work either. He found the work very monotonous and felt mentally underchallenged. Since he was also unhappy at this job, Monika Mittermayr gave up and put Peter in a Kolping house, which at that time was in Franz-Josef-Straße 15 in Salzburger Neustadt. Into a free fall he lost contact not only with Monika Mittermayr and with Plainfeld, but also with all the possessions he had at the time. He lost his record player with all his beloved Abba - records  and his problem chess books. He lost his folding bike and his only good friend, Hermann Hautzinger. In the Kolping House he had nothing to eat anymore. No one who cared about Peter. At that time, Peter had no plan on how to pay for his living. Peter fell so low, and this lack of support led to the neglect of his physical and mental condition. Day in and day out, he was preoccupied with the question of what it would be like if he committed suicide. The only self-respect he derived from the fact that he was successful as a chess player. However, he was deeply disappointed by the people around him and his beautiful moments were only the encounters with animals and nature, which he always loved so much. In spite of this halting, or precisely because of this halting, Peter continued his work as a chess composer. At that time Peter was mainly interested in the orthodox two and three movers. He was inspired by the great chess composer Otto Wurzburg from Grand Rapids. Since he also lost his chessboard, he often lay in bed and composed in blindfold chess style.

He composed the following chess problem without board view and pieces in the Kolping House (Franz Josefstraße 15, Stadt Salzburg):

Chess position, which Peter Krug composed without help of chess board.

White to move and check mate Black in 2 moves

White: Ke3, Qf8, Bc7, Nd7, Ng6, f6, c3, d3    Black: Kd5, Ba7, Nb7, Nc6, b6, b5, e6, g5          8/ 8     #2

White on the move mates in two moves. It is a Zugzwang problem. Only decades later he published this task in "Die Schwalbe" in october 2005 (12780 Die Schwalbe 215).

- At that time the beds in the Kolping House were still made of iron. The floor was made of plastic. There were two bunk beds in the room. Washing facilities and toilet were in the hallway. After weeks without food and without support, Peter was terribly hungry.This feeling of hunger and the attacks of dizziness became unbearable and so he began to steal white sugar. During the day because of the chess he went to the Café Mozart. In this traditional coffee house he tried his luck with blitz chess with a cash stake.  

For a while he also enjoyed using "contra" to raise the amount while playing chess. He also looked for chess players where he could pretend a piece, or reduce his own thinking time to three minutes, instead of the usual 5 minutes. With the money he often earned quickly, he ordered hot sausages at the coffee house and drank black coffee non-stop. Before going back to the Kolpinghaus, he would buy himself another Käsekrainer, or Burenwurst at the Alter Markt 3 in the center of Salzburg, or a Bosna with Coca Cola and a few bars of chocolate.

Once, a regular visitor and chess player to the Café Mozart, Mr. Heinrich Prodinger (1933-1999) challenged Peter and insisted on playing with Peter for 1000 shillings. Prodinger (also known as General Prodinger) regularly played tournament chess for the chess club "Mozart" and had  about 1800 Elo. He already had a few glasses of white wine behind him and so they played without a clock with high stakes.

That evening it was already very late and the waiter let everyone pay. Peter Krug and Heinrich Prodinger, however, were still engrossed in the high stakes game. The lights in the coffee house were turned off, which did not stop the two chess players from continuing to play. Until Prodinger lost the chess game. Instead of paying, Heinrich Prodinger spat on the chess board.

This was too much and they stopped playing. H. Prodinger was by now very buzzed from the alcohol. As they were leaving Café Mozart, they realized that they were locked in the coffee house.

Peter Krug, who was not drunk, looked in the kitchen of the coffee house for a spare key and found it. With this key, they were both able to leave the Café Mozart. Peter, however, took the key with him.

He did it with the intention of going to the Café Mozart at night and stealing cakes when the hunger became unbearable.

In the next few weeks, as a precaution, Peter did not go to Café Mozart (Location City of Salzburg) during the day. Instead, he waited until it was very late and the Café Mozart (in the Getreidegasse Salzburg) was closed. Then he used the spare key to get into Café Mozart and ate cake from the kitchen display case. He did this at night for several weeks. In order not to get caught because of the repetitions, Peter threw the key into the Salzach after a few weeks. But after only a few days without food, Peter Krug began to have severe dizzy spells and felt very weak. He was afraid for his life. In the Kolpinghaus he desperately searched for leftover food that others had left behind. Sometimes he found a hard bread, mustard, or ketchup.

Since hunger continued to plague Peter, however, he climbed into the Café Mozart at night through the open window in the Getreidegasse and stole cakes again. When Peter at night, after stealing some cakes from the display case and eating them, wanted to get out of the open window again, he noticed that there were too many people in the Getreidegasse and it would therefore be too dangerous. Since he no longer had the spare key either, he was like locked up in Café Mozart. Fortunately, he found a window, the one to the "Niederleg -Hof".

Peter had to jump about 5 or 6 meters from the window onto an asphalt floor. Fortunately, Peter did not injure himself in the process. When he jumped down, driven by the fear of being caught, he realized that he was locked in the "Niederleg - Hof". Both heavy wooden gates, one to the Getreidegasse, the other to the Griesgasse were closed and locked. Peter therefore had to hold out in this courtyard from midnight until 6 o'clock in the morning, until someone finally opened the gate to Griesgasse and he could thus go back to the Kolpinghaus. Finally, he stopped stealing cakes, because it was too dangerous to get caught. Peter Krug was never caught or charged for these acts.

   - From 1983 to 1986 were some of the worst years of his life. This period was characterized by a lack of stability, loss of his home, identity crisis, self-insecurity, disorientation and helplessness. It was months of great trauma. This sad time negatively affected the next decades of Peter's life. Peter Krug is still unable to talk much about this time.

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A brief, retrospective summary of the effects of child abuse on Peter Siegfried Krug in children's homes and foster care.

The consequences of child abuse

Children suffer most from the mistreatment and mistakes of our society, because they cannot really cope with them and they have an impact on the rest of their lives. In adolescence and early adulthood the mistakes and abuse of parenting will have their effects.

   In Guggenthal, Peter met several orphaned children of the same age.

These children were called Adi Hillimaier (born 1966), Daniel Spitzl (born 1966) and Reinhard Tutschko (born 1965). In Peter's opinion, they should never be forgotten:

As an adult, Adi Hillimaier could not do a regular job and slept homeless and alone with his dog in a hidden watchtower between ash, beech and sycamore maple on the Kapuzinerberg for 10 years in summer and through the entire winter. Every day he cooked his food and coffee with his campfire in the forest. Adi said. that he wanted to forget his sad childhood through his hard life outdoors. Unprotected in the open air, he was attacked with a knife and stabbed in the stomach with a knife. Adi was taken to the accident hospital and survived. Because of the Internet, Adi Hillimaier was able to get to know his biological mother after more than 40 years. He lives on the social welfare office and currently (2021) lives in a community apartment in northern Salzburg. Adi is now father of several children.

Daniel Spitzl, half Turkish origin came to the Borromäum private high school Salzburg after primary school. A boys school in Parsch. According to other children, he was allegedly sexually abused there. Daniel Spitzl was later adopted. As an young adult, he died of a drug overdose. Daniel was a very calm, rather introverted person.

Reinhard Tutschko was very athletic and went to judo classes. As a young adult, he loved promoting children in sports. After Reinhard was caught by the police for stealing, he was taken into custody in Schanzelgasse, Salzburg. As a young man, he hanged himself in custody. He died very young, estimated to be 20 years old.

What happened to Magarethe Leitner and Gerold Ladinig, who severely traumatized Peter physically and mentally? What personalities did they have? What were their hobbies?

Magarethe Leitner (or Magarete Leitner)  and her husband Johann Leitner moved with their sons from Guggenthal  into a new own house with garden on the Saalach border in the Rechte Saalachzeile 10. Opposite Freilassing. Here the couple spent their pension. The orphaned children grew up. None - except Peter Krug - of the former Projuventute children visited Ms. Leitner. Nobody wanted to be in contact with her after such a sad childhood. She had done great harm to the children. Peter Krug visited Ms. Leitner after more than 40 years. During the visit, however, it was impossible to talk to her about the body abuse. Ms. Leitner showed no insight into how her outbursts of anger combined with beating with objects such as chairs and belts caused psychological damage to the orphaned children and severely impaired their future lives. 2016 Magarethe Leitner became seriously ill with dementia, she and her husband, who had since become complete blind, were taken to the old people's home in Itzling, where she passed away on August 13, 2018. She was 88 years old.

Postscript: Her (Magarete Leitner) husband Johann Leitner died 4 years later, completely blind, on March 16, 2022, in a nursing home in Itzling. He lived to the age of 95.  Johann Leitner never harmed an orphan, although he himself was beaten as a child. He was a quiet and reserved person. By profession he was a trolleybus driver. In Guggenthal he also ran a beekeeping business.

Gerold Ladinig (30.11.1952 - 05.06.2003) himself was a child in the home for disabled people. His experience of physical violence at the home was the justification for brutally beating Peter. Gerold L. continued to drink a lot of alcohol. Mostly beer.  All his life he could not control his outbursts of anger, which was often related to the fainting he experienced as a child in the children's home. His life was mainly characterized by hard physical work in construction. He had hardly any time for hobbies. Sometimes he went fishing with colleagues at the Salzachsee. Sporadically he could spend the weekend with Annamaria Ladinig and Peter at the Mattsee with other people to campsites. Since Gerold Ladinig and Annamaria Ladinig did not own a car, they rode together with work colleagues in a service bus. Gerold had no children of his own, and never played with Peter either. When Gerold already had a certain alcohol level he talked about his time when he was a child and was in the children's home. He recounted a particularly harsh method of punishment for children. A child was covered with a large blanket and then other children were allowed to beat this child. Gerold also showed a group photo of him with the other children from that time in the children's home. He emphasized how malnourished he was in the children's home. And expressed his pride that he managed to complete an apprenticeship as a tiler despite being in a children's home for the severely educated and often emphasized how much he achieved in life through his own efforts. In appearance, Gerold was of average height, had black hair and a muscular build. He was stronger than his colleagues at work.  - Gerold however had never apologized for his outbursts of violence and rage. In a fit of rage, he often bang on locked doors or bang his fist on the wall. He died of leukemia at the age of 50 on June 5, 2003 and was buried in Maxglan Cemetery on July 30, 2003.  Shortly before Gerold died, he regretted his mistakes and said that cancer is his just punishment. His wife Annamaria Ladinig (1955-1987) died of stroke many years earlier at the age of 32. Since she suffered from diabetes type 1 at an early age and had pus sores on her legs, her life was limited to being a housewife. Her job was to buy groceries and keep the apartment clean. The only contact she had with other people - except her husband - were her mother and brother Stefan Lazar, who lived on the upper floor of the house. Often her mother came down to Annamaria's apartment and discussed or watched television together. Apart from watching television, she had no other hobbies. She was ice cold to Peter, rarely dignified Peter with eye contact, and acted as if Peter didn't exist.  She was physically very weak, lean and often locked herself in the bathroom to avoid being beaten by the angry husband Gerold Ladinig.  She also received death threats from Gerold, but she had no way to escape. Anna Maria Ladinig was buried with her original surname Annamaria Lazar in the cemetery Liefering.

Adolescence:

  Peter Krug had great learning difficulties because of the acute difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep and after school he had to take on jobs that he didn't know what to do with. He wasn't even asked what he would like to do in the future. Therefore he experienced further frustrations in the workplace. Again and again he ran away from the apprenticeships offered to him. Because of the many sleepless nights and the great unspoken dissatisfaction, he capitulated. After all, hardly anyone cared about him. He became stronger interested in chess and often went to Mozart café in the Getreidegasse. There he flashed with other good chess players (5 minutes thinking time per person) and could make with success some money with it. With this money he went to the nearest sausage stand and bought 2 or 3 nut chocolates with Coca Cola. That had to be enough for the whole day. He only earned so much money that the excruciating hunger was over. He often felt dizzy and very weak. Once it was late in the night. He hasn't eaten anything all day. He was still hoping to get something to eat in Café Mozart. But that evening he was out of luck. The Mozart Café was pretty empty. The waiter in charge was nowhere to be seen. He used this short time and stole cakes from the cake cabinet. Then he went to the toilet to choke that cake down quickly. His fear of being caught as a thief was great. So he didn't want to flee through the exit door. Instead of going down the stairs the usual way, he turned left into a small, deserted room. He opened a window that led into the courtyard and hopped out of the window onto bare asphalt at a height of six meters. It was dark.  Fortunately, he didn't injure himself and fled. Since earning with chess was not possible in the long run, he had to get by for up to a month or more without money and was starving bitterly. Despite the existential hardship, hunger and unemployment, he composed orthodox chess problems on a small chess board and solved tasks from German problem chess books. He had great admiration for Ado Kraemer. He published his own composed chess problems in the Salzburger Nachrichten, making himself happy for his birthday. His other interests were philosophy. He read a lot from Arthur Schopenhauer “About the nothingness and suffering of life” and found confirmation that life is a lot of suffering and that people are driven blindly. Life is for Peter a hell and the people are cruel. Peter was convinced that it would be better if he had never been born. Peter did not know how he could survive the next time and also had no permanent residence, therefore he could not become a member of a chess club or take part in official chess tournaments. The times in the winter when Peter Krug walked alone through the nights without accommodation in order not to freeze to death were hard. Completely dispossessed, he strolled through the streets of Salzburg. Forgotten by all the people who once knew him.  To warm up in winter, he looked in the morning or in the afternoon for public places like the Salzburg University Library. He had no tent, nothing to sleep, and no gloves or hood, therefore he had no other option and wandered around through the night. Afterthen he was exhausted because of the acute lack of sleep. Since he was so often neglected and abused in his childhood, Peter had very poor self-confidence and self-respect. He always doubted himself. He never learned to take care of himself and to look good in society. Therefore, he walked around with bad, unwashed clothes and did not shave. His cheap shoes were worn out from being worn and uncleaned. Throughout his youth he could not look authorities in the eye. He had no one to lean on and no one helped him. Peter Krug however was unable to complete a commercial training in the field of work because of the very stressful childhood traumas that left him speechless for decades. In addition, Peter Krug was only able to present his bad school reports at work presentations.  His general education was very poor. In school he learned little more than writing and reading. He was ashamed of his bad school grades and destroyed therefore his school reports. As a teenager, Peter had to struggle with identity insecurity every day. He dealt with psychological problems with himself. He was easily injured and reacted to conflicts by withdrawing in nature, reading philosophers' books and studying chess problems. He often brooded over past verbal injuries. In the oldest bookstore in Austria, the Eduard Höllrigl bookstore, there were still enough problem chess books by Werner Speckmann. Books that were worth a visit for Peter at that time. In this historic 16th century house he tried to forget a little about his borne self-doubt and his deep self-insecurity. Peter practiced blind chess early on. He worked on chess problems and worked them out without the help of a board and pieces. Mostly it was mate in two moves and more. In addition, he did not always write down his chess problems in his youth, but contented himself with keeping them in mind and showing other chess players his chessproblems at hand.

Difficult relationship with birth mother.

Peter Krug was separated from his mother from birth. As a toddler, Peter was allowed to visit his mother once a week. The visit was always characterized by speechlessness and permanent accusations of guilt by the mother. Peter could never understand this blame and when he returned to the home this blame had a very negative effect on Peter's mind. Unfortunately, each visit with the mother always followed the same pattern. Peter could not cope with this emotional burden of constant blaming and in school it led to him not being able to develop an interest in learning and not paying attention in class.

Thus, he often became an outsider at school and his mother labeled Peter a failure because of his poor grades in school. Insecurity and gnawing self-doubt and being an outsider characterized the entire later school years and led to his inability to perform as required. Freeing himself from this negative spiral and building up a sense of self-worth was the content of his entire later life.

Inspection of files denied by Salzburg municipal authorities

Every child who comes to a children home, or to a foster home has a file from the Youth Welfare Office, where the childhood and adolescent history was noted. Peter Krug has often telephoned the magistrate of Salzburg to express his wish to have access to the file.

After repeated calls he was told that it could take several weeks. Peter Krug then also contacted the Salzburg Magistrate again a few weeks later. Even after many years, Peter Krug has not been able to inspect the files! It was apparently refused to him.

    Young adult:

   Peter Krug suffered tremendously from childhood, when he was left in the lurch most of the time and his talents were not encouraged. Early adulthood was torture for Peter, and the unprocessed childhood experiences an obstacle to whatever he was doing. He was plagued by fears related to intimidating upbringing and the ineffectiveness of his life. He seldom visited his birth mother. But even in adulthood she did not help him, but showered Peter with blame and allegations from the past on each of his visits. For his mother he was just a good-for-nothing who got nothing in his life. With every visit she repeated like a prayer wheel that Peter broke off everything he started.

   Years later:

Since the suffocation in Guggenthal, Peter has had to struggle with serious sleep problems the rest of his life. - The self-insecurity, triggered by the consequences of the suffocation attack, was permanently formative for the rest of his life. The loss of confidence in himself made Peter permanently defenseless from mad attacks from other people. His ever-present self-doubt made it impossible for him to perform well, or even to concentrate on a book, or to concentrate on a job. Whatever he was doing, he could only half concentrate.

  For over 40 years, Peter Krug hoped to get affection from his mother. But after he always was frustrated and depressed after a visit with his mother, he completely gave up hope with his mother. Through research and conversations with people he had known in the past, he came to the realization that his mother almost ruined his life through her destructive behavior. She never played with Peter and she couldn't have normal dialogues with him without burdening Peter with the same accusations over and over again. A reconciliation with the mother was until now impossible. He called on Christmas Eve, only to say that there would never be another meeting. After some very difficult years with no prospects for the future, partial homelessness, sporadic famine and lack of property and psychic hell he worked in the cinema of “Elmo Kino Salzburg” as a trained cinema projectionist for many years and then as a night porter in various 4 star hotels like  “Hotel Stein", “Blaue Gans”, “Hotel Auersperg” or “Hotel Elefant”. He started yoga due to stress and severe serious sleep disorders. So Peter Krug got back into balance and could sleep again. He did the yoga teacher training in the “Yoga Vidya Seminarhaus Westerwald” in Germany and also composed chess problems and chess studies. In 2016 Peter Krug and his girlfriend Nadia Cipriani (Artist and oriental dancer)  moved from Salzburg to Hallein in Tennengau. In 2017 he became FIDE Master in chess composition. In Hallein, Peter Krug developed a new passion for the Barmsteins in every wind and weather and learned free climbing without aids or rope. By the way he also photographed nature.

Author and Mission

Peter Siegfried Krug

Born on November 23, 1966, in Salzburg.

"Abuse in children's homes is the central theme of my life and the focus of all my recovery and documentation work. Chess saved me because I was surrounded by people who were intellectually bankrupt – and who almost killed me for that reason – without them ever realizing it. I received no support during my childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. I had to teach myself everything. Exposing child abuse is my true mission – so that no child ever has to learn to survive alone again."

I have been living in a domestic partnership with my partner Lucia Nadia Cipriani in Salzburg since 1987. -----

https://archive.org/details/@peterkrugaussalzburg